Apple Releases Unchanged iPod Classic

October 5, 2011

This week, Apple updated its entire iPod and iPhone lineup. The iPod Classic, however, has remained exactly the same for the better part of a decade.

We asked a salesperson from Apple to comment on the complete and utter lack of innovation, but she was unable to find a part number for the item in her inventory. In fact, she seemed so removed from the device that she tried to operate it by prodding at the screen, instead of using the grossly intuitive “click” wheel that made the iPod famous in the first place.

Upon further investigation, we discovered that the the iPod Classic factory is suffering from a situation that resembles that of the Japanese World War II holdouts, who continued fighting in remote areas for up to 30 years after the war had ended. Due to a miscommunication, staff at the plant never got the memo that their product was to be discontinued by the end of the calendar year in 2006. Without further direction, have continued manufacturing and shipping it without question.

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!”

Staff members at the plant were astonished, and some had some difficulty accepting the news. When asked why he thought it would be reasonable for Apple, one of the world’s leading innovators, to manufacture an electronic device virtually unchanged for almost ten years he said, “We figured that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!”

It turns out that the only upgrade that happened in the past five years — a change in hard drive size from 80 to 160 GB — occurred only to keep up with demands after the previous part was discontinued by Toshiba. Demand for the product, however, was artificially elevated to 2006 levels and employees were shocked to learn that only 17 iPod Classics were sold by accident in 2011.

Apple has discovered a warehouse full of new, un-shipped iPods and is considering donating them to museums all around the world.


If this isn’t epic, I don’t know what is!

February 1, 2010
haha… what are the odds!

YouTube Link:


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Christian University Prefers Jobs to Jesus

January 15, 2010

Abilene Christian University has officially hailed Steve Jobs as “the second coming of our Lord” after integrating the miraculous iPhone into campus life. The classy device, which is known worldwide for performing incredible miracles in the palm of one’s hand and being, in many cases, more omniscient and benevolent than the Lord himself, is spreading like wildfire with nearly 50 percent of students and 97 percent of staff using the device. University administration has (literally) hailed the invention to be “at least three times more miraculous than walking on water,” and implied that Steve Jobs would have been “stiff competition” for Jesus Christ had they been alive at the same time.

Some have argued that teaching creationism on a device that is the result of thousands of years worth of humanity’s progressive technological achievements might be difficult, but most students have asserted that the iPhone appeared to be “irreducibly complex” and must have been introduced to Jobs in a vision from the lord himself.

See here for more:

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Radiohead with a drumline?!

February 9, 2009

I have had the opportunity to play snare drum for Keith Urban and Shania Twain, but I would have killed to be involved with tonight’s Grammy Awards performance, where a drumline accompanied Radiohead (live on internationally broadcast television, to boot!) Those lucky bastards…



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January 31, 2009

Just when I thought that a player piano was amazing, I had my mind totally blown by this video…