Radiohead vs. Alberta for Haiti Relief

January 25, 2010

Radiohead, an alternative rock band from Oxford, England, hosted a benefit concert for Haiti this past weekend which raised a staggering $572,774 US in financial aid for the country, which was essentially destroyed by earthquakes earlier this month.

Tickets for the one-off concert concert were sold at an online auction with no bidding cap in order to raise “as much money as possible for the cause” and the band, although busy recording their eighth studio album at the time, figured playing the show was “the least they could do” to help.

The star-studded Los Angeles audience was extremely generous and, after hearing the financial results mid-concert, lead singer Thom Yorke is quoted as saying, “Fuck me! $572,774?… what did you do to get a ticket? Borrow money from your dad?”

In spite of being “in studio mode,” which resulted in an admittedly rusty stage presence and an open invitation to “feel free to sing along… as chances are we’ll forget the words,” the concert was well received and the band played hit tracks including Paranoid Android and Morning Bell, which may well be the best song of all time.

In what has been called a “bizarre turn of events” by some, the concert has caused a stir in some regions, where citizens have noted that the five piece band has managed to outdo the efforts of their entire populace.

Most notably, the province of Alberta, Canada, which is one of the most oil-rich regions on the planet and the only debt-free province in Canada, managed to scrounge up just $500, 000 Canadian for the cause. While any donation is surely welcome at a time such as this, some have called Alberta’s efforts “a slap in the face.”

When reporters approached Premiere Ed Stelmach about the pertinent issue at the 31st annual “Half Way to Stampede Breakfast” in downtown Calgary, he said, with a mouthful of plump sausages, “I’ve not heard of The Radioheads (sic), but they sure sound like they’re nice folk. Yee haw!” When asked to give the question at least a moment’s thought and reply with some sort of insight before blurting out a stereotypically shallow response and scrunching up his face like a cactus while speaking, Stelmach declined further comment and headed back to the grill for a second helping of “the best damn pancakes (he’d) ever had.”

In the meantime, the federal government has offered to match any donation made by Canadian citizens, and Albertans are urged to “show Radiohead who’s boss” and donate time or money to the relief agency of their choice.

-Sean

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Ed Stelmach, The Freedom to be a Yokel, the spirit to sound like one.

April 26, 2009

In a video describing the $25 million re-branding of our province, which the government hopes will attract global interest (and investment $$$) to our province, Ed Stelmach proves yet again that he is clearly a redneck, with no understanding of how to run a province with two increasingly global cities of more than a million people.

Epic Fail, Eddie and friends. Might as well have spent the $25 million dollars on sausages, pancake mix and “orange juice” for a province-wide Stampede breakfast.

-Sean.

YouTube Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ht1lDnq3U8

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