WikiLeaks Announces Leak of “The Facebook Logs”

December 13, 2010

“The internet is truth’s conduit… the individual is not exempt from the truth.”
Julian Assange (on the release of The Facebook Logs)

WikiLeaks founder, Julian Assange, announced yesterday amidst the aftermath of his recent release of the US Embassy Diplomatic Cables, that his organization has more to come. Far more. In fact, WikiLeaks will soon be releasing the largest, most comprehensive collection of private information yet: The Facebook Logs.

During a short press conference at an undisclosed location, Assange proudly announced that an anonymous whistle-blower submitted the entire contents of Facebook’s servers to WikiLeaks after a difficult breakup with his long-term girlfriend. He accompanied his leak with the following explanation of his motive. “After consuming two bottles of wine in an attempt to drown my sorrows, I hacked her profile and discovered not only that she had been cheating on me for almost a year, but that she re-gifted a CD that I gave her last Christmas. Enraged, I began to wonder if it was acceptable for a person to have personal secrets, thoughts, ideas, and relationships,” he stated.

One thing led to another, and soon after consuming a hastily rolled “coner” for inspiration, the hacker deployed a hacking bot and reached a state of “moral euphoria.” The bot worked remarkably well, and managed to hack every single user’s profile page and then use Facebook’s new “Download Your Information” feature to upload each user’s information directly to WikiLeaks’ servers. WikiLeaks was grateful for the submission, and has since been overwhelmed by the task of preparing almost 7 billion risque private messages, drunken profile pictures, and incriminating status updates for public release.

We had the chance to briefly question Assange as he tried to escape a posse of young women trying to have unprotected sex with him in an attempt to accuse him of rape under Swedish law. “This is an unprecidented collection of documents,” he said. “The internet is truth’s conduit, and, contrary to popular belief, the individual is not exempt from the truth.” When asked about whether or not individuals’ private relations should be receiving the same scrutiny as government communications, Assange replied, “Truth is truth, and that’s the truth. They say the truth hurts, but I say that if we weren’t all such selfish, lying, conniving assholes, the truth would be rather balmy.”

The users of The Facebook community, which has more than 500 million members worldwide, are understandably enraged by this violation of privacy, and as many as 70% of Facebook users have changed their status to protest and reflect their disgust over this issue.

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