Red Light Fail

February 6, 2010

I noticed this bizarre occurrence on my walk to work this morning. Believe it or not, the traffic light was showing red and green at the same time, which was an interesting glitch but dangerous to say the least. I hope this glitch was a one-time occurrence, but I couldn’t stick around as I had to catch a bus! (Sorry for the low-res image, I snapped it on my iPhone).



So the Flames suck… Who Cares!

February 2, 2010

You know that you live in a sad time when, for the fourth day in a row, the front page story of every major newspaper in the city has an article about major league hockey. Are you really telling me that in a city of a million people, province of four million, country of 30 million, and a world of more than six BILLION people, that a dozen or so men in their late twenties smacking a hard plastic disc around with pieces of wood is the most exciting thing to happen for four straight days! Come on, the only newsworthy part about the NHL is how obscene the salaries are!

Although it is true that I have a generally bleak and somewhat “Chomskian” view of sports in general, and think, like our good friend Noam always says, that professional sport “offers people something to pay attention to that is of little or no importance,” I do enjoy attending the odd NHL game, if only for the social aspect and heroin beer (edit: how hilarious that that definition even exists!). I also admit that hockey plays (pun not intended) an important cultural role in this country and is one of few things that brings people together.  But seriously, get it off the front page of the news every freaking day, nobody cares!

I’ll let my good friend Noam conclude, he says it best…

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Imported from The Exscribition

If this isn’t epic, I don’t know what is!

February 1, 2010
haha… what are the odds!

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Imported from The Exscribition

iPad Satirical "Features" List

January 31, 2010

Having not been very impressed with the iPad, I decided to make a satirical entry based on the  “features”section on Apple’s website. Enjoy!

Introducing iPad

It looks like a big iPhone, but it’s really a big iPod Touch.

9.7-inch LED-Backlit IPS Display

With more acronyms than you have ever encountered in a name, the iPad’s LED-backlit IPS display with 178 degree viewing angle is, literally, the most complex display that you have ever seen, and spelled. The display is so bright and glossy that, when used in a dimly lit room at full brightness, it’s guaranteed to not only cause excruciating eye strain, but to burn through your retinas up to 3 times faster than the sun itself.


The A4 chip inside iPad was custom-designed with only one thing in mind, literally. Its revolutionary “unitasking” capablity will allow you to play a game, or use Facebook, or browse the web, or watch YouTube, each at its own time. And with up to 10 hours of battery life, you can do up to one thing at a time for a very long time indeed.


The 30-pin connector on the bottom of the iPad allows you to dock and charge it. And that’s all. If you want to carry around proprietary adapters to inconveniently sync pictures from your camera, you may be interested in the Camera Connection Kit. If you want to do almost anything else with the device, you may be interested in how thin and light the iPad is. At just 1.5 pounds and .5 inches thin it is the most portable tablet ever. Ever.


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Radiohead vs. Alberta for Haiti Relief

January 25, 2010

Radiohead, an alternative rock band from Oxford, England, hosted a benefit concert for Haiti this past weekend which raised a staggering $572,774 US in financial aid for the country, which was essentially destroyed by earthquakes earlier this month.

Tickets for the one-off concert concert were sold at an online auction with no bidding cap in order to raise “as much money as possible for the cause” and the band, although busy recording their eighth studio album at the time, figured playing the show was “the least they could do” to help.

The star-studded Los Angeles audience was extremely generous and, after hearing the financial results mid-concert, lead singer Thom Yorke is quoted as saying, “Fuck me! $572,774?… what did you do to get a ticket? Borrow money from your dad?”

In spite of being “in studio mode,” which resulted in an admittedly rusty stage presence and an open invitation to “feel free to sing along… as chances are we’ll forget the words,” the concert was well received and the band played hit tracks including Paranoid Android and Morning Bell, which may well be the best song of all time.

In what has been called a “bizarre turn of events” by some, the concert has caused a stir in some regions, where citizens have noted that the five piece band has managed to outdo the efforts of their entire populace.

Most notably, the province of Alberta, Canada, which is one of the most oil-rich regions on the planet and the only debt-free province in Canada, managed to scrounge up just $500, 000 Canadian for the cause. While any donation is surely welcome at a time such as this, some have called Alberta’s efforts “a slap in the face.”

When reporters approached Premiere Ed Stelmach about the pertinent issue at the 31st annual “Half Way to Stampede Breakfast” in downtown Calgary, he said, with a mouthful of plump sausages, “I’ve not heard of The Radioheads (sic), but they sure sound like they’re nice folk. Yee haw!” When asked to give the question at least a moment’s thought and reply with some sort of insight before blurting out a stereotypically shallow response and scrunching up his face like a cactus while speaking, Stelmach declined further comment and headed back to the grill for a second helping of “the best damn pancakes (he’d) ever had.”

In the meantime, the federal government has offered to match any donation made by Canadian citizens, and Albertans are urged to “show Radiohead who’s boss” and donate time or money to the relief agency of their choice.


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Explanation Fail

January 24, 2010

Sean: “Does your display have a dead pixel?”
Mom: “What’s a pixel?”
Dad: “Each one of these tiny things you can’t see is a pixel”


Bored with your Chia Pet?…

January 21, 2010

…Try a Chia Politician instead! What a hilarious invention… I’ll take two!

As funny as this is, I sure hope that they release a “Conservative-Minded Canadian Politician” series featuring Stephen Harper, Ralh Klein, and, just for laughs, Rob Anders and Preston Manning!